Food For Thought
by akaeve
Summary: After years of Tony's jokes the team get their own back. I suppose I whumped/bashed Tony sorry. From a guest reader, :- If you wish to character bash then warn readers. sorry is that not what I said see above. disclaimer, I do not own NCIS, it is the property of someone else. I have made no money and am still poor. And I acknowledge MIT for the use of their menu great hack guys
1. Chapter 1

"That's it. I'm fed up with Tony and his prat boy tendencies. He has become the most annoying creature this side of the Potomac or maybe the most annoying creature ever to have crawled from under a stone in Shenandoah Park," as Ziva slammed her backpack on her desk.

"And its frat boy as in fraternity but what has our overgrown school boy done now?" Tim sighed, as he asked, he had to ask because well Ziva was going to tell anyway.

"No McGee, I mean prat, from the British meaning, an incompetent or stupid person; an idiot, an ass. That overgrown school boy, as you called him, just riddled my car with FAKE, rapid fire bullet holes and the windshield with .50 calibre fire holes."

"Ahh, and yes, yesterday he, left a whoopee cushion on my seat, and as for the false cat pooh pads, and kitty litter in Abby's lab," Tim replied.

"What are we going to do with him?" Ziva shouted.

"I believe he also left a knife, not unlike the one used in a case many years ago remember, when Abby slit her throat trying to draw our attention, with security, and the hand buzzer didn't go down well with Jimmy," Tim added.

"Not to mention the arrow through the head," Gibbs added walking into the bullpen.

"Arrow through the head?" both Tim and Ziva shouted in unison.

"Yeap, walked into reception doing his Injin impression, scared the heck out of one of the typing pool."

"So where is he now?" Ziva questioned.

"I sent him to MTAC," Gibbs replied.

-oOo-

"Wooo," Abby squealed as she swept more kitty litter up, "I'm going to kill you, big time Tony."

"Still finding the stuff?" Tim asked gently.

"Yes. But what are we going to do about him?"

"We should have a campfire, in the parking lot, in my car or Ziva's, after she has removed the bullet holes or even the MCRT van, if Gibbs will let us," Tim ventured.

"Anything….anywhere…anytime," as Abby continued to clear up the litter.


	2. Chapter 2

The team, well Tim, Ziva and Abby met in the parking lot, Gibbs had said they could use the truck if they were careful. As the three began to settle in, there was a banging on the rear door.

"I swear if that is Tony…." Ziva began to say, as Tim opened the rear door, to see Jimmy standing there.

"Ok if I join you?" as he entered the vehicle and shut the door.

"So what do you have in mind?" Abby looked at Tim.

"Back in my MIT days, we used to have a practical jokes, or hacks as they were called. They occurred quite often. Not that I participated, but I was thinking, since Tony is so food obsessed, there was one particularly vile hack," as Tim began to smile and explain.

"Back in 1995, some of the more adventurous students took over the canteen, with the help of the catering staff and made some weird menus. Food was named with a biological theme, and the emphasis on hazardous substances and things one might find around an MIT bio lab.," as he looked at Abby and then Jimmy, "We could use body parts as well, that is if Dr Mallard wouldn't mind….not real body parts but you know what I mean."

"Cool," Abby oozed, "But will Vance and Gibbs let us get away with it?"

"Jimmy and I will talk to Dr Mallard, and see if he can persuade the Director," Tim now concluded.

-oOo-

So it was, that later that day Dr Mallard spoke to Director Vance and he shook his head, but smiling slightly nodded.

"If it works then I for one will be glad he is just becoming too full or fool of himself, and if he doesn't stop will send him back as an Agent Afloat."  
Dr Mallard thanked the Director and went to find Tim and Jimmy. Who in turn went to tell Abby and Ziva.

"Now for Gibbs," Tim whispered.

-oOo-

It came about, it was by word of mouth, most of the office, who came into contact with Tony and his jokes sniggered inwardly at what was about to unfold. The conspirators just hoped that nothing would backfire, and had, with an adaptation of the old MIT menu and with the help of the catering staff had concocted the meal.

The menu was placed on the wall of the canteen as always read:-

**Welcome to BioHaZZard Cafe**

All dishes prepared in the "Bowels" of the building.

**Appetisers**

Genetically modified chicken and RNA noodle soup.  
Warm fresh Liver Pate, served on Mitochondria shaped, eukaryotic microorganism compound.

**Main**

Soy(a)lent Green – Can you feel the pulse, the people in the film loved and did.  
(Soya and Lentil Patties served on a bed of green (mouldy) vegetables.)  
Pizza:- your eukaryotic microorganism base smeared in congealed blood and then topped with fungi, bloodshot (red onions) eyeballs,liver and grated hard skin (parmesan)  
Green Dinosaur Eggs, (cultivated from million year old DNA) and Green Fried Tomatoes.

**Desserts**

Agar jello, fresh red blood (raspberry) or days old congealed(blackcurrant) topped with a dollop of sour cream.  
Ptomaine Ptiramisu, with a sprinkling of mouse droppings.

**Washed down with**

Potomac River:- the "sandy gritty grounds" are still there.  
Lipids:- milkshake, or Crisco.  
LD 50:- just to finish you off.

**Please Enjoy**

Jimmy, Abby and Tim helped man the counters at lunchtime, complete with lab coats and radiation gear. Ziva wandered around in a lab coat and with a Geiger counter in hand, which every now and again, gave a clicking sound, due to some very light radiation paint smeared on the base of some plates. She passed the reader over the meals of Gibbs and Vance, the counter clicked well; she smiled at the men, "Enjoying your meal?" as she looked at Gibbs and Vance eating the green eggs, and fried tomatoes.

"Best meal I've had in years," Vance replied, "Can't wait for dessert," smiling, at Ziva.

"Where did you say you had sent DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, taking another mouthful.

"Sent him to Norfolk last night, told a lie about some stalker, and told him to be back here for 13.30 and I would treat him to lunch," Vance replied.

Tony arrived back at 1sh absolutely starving. The thought of Vance, the Director buying lunch was just too good to miss. So being DiNozzo he freshening himself up, and combing his hair made his way to the canteen.

He looked in the door and saw that it was really busy. Something must be really good on the menu. It was at this point he saw the sign and began to read. He didn't believe, but looking into the room again this time, Tony looked in horror as he saw Abby and Tim dressed in Bio gear and Ziva in a lab coat and counter. But the shock of Gibbs and Vance, tucking into the green eggs and Ducky explaining the intricacies of the liver, just turned Tony's stomach and he rushed for the men's room.

As Tony stood shaking in the men's room, the door opened and Ziva stood there.

"Well are you going to come and have lunch or not? It is Pizza, your favourite, and actually I can recommend the Soy(a)lent Patties," she smiled.

All Tony could do was give a watery smile and realising that this time he had been on the receiving end of a very well-orchestrated prank. Nodded and followed Ziva to the canteen for something to eat. And Vance true to his word paid for the meal.

The End

Authors notes

The egg white because it is alkali when mixed with red cabbage juice will turn green

And this

was a true prank at MIT in 1995

.edu/by_year/1995/bioha ... _  
.edu/Hacks/Gallery.  
.edu/


End file.
